


What You're Longing For

by jensenisafallenangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Annoyed Sam, Longing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mark of Cain, Mostly canon except Dean/Cas, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slight Divergence, Tension, praying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-27
Updated: 2015-01-27
Packaged: 2018-03-09 06:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3239543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jensenisafallenangel/pseuds/jensenisafallenangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Imagine Cas's confusion when he permanently moves into the bunker and Dean still longs for him."</p>
            </blockquote>





	What You're Longing For

**Author's Note:**

> Based off of a Tumblr post by plaidtrenchcoat.

Castiel had moved into the bunker a week ago but something felt...off. He was used to being prayed to by Sam or Dean in the past but those prayers weren’t needed anymore. Since being in the bunker, he didn't need to hear their prayers because they just found him in one of the several rooms he frequently spent time in.  


However, it seemed as if there were echoes of prayers sometimes, as if he were needed. Whenever he thought that, though, Sam and Dean seemed fine so he brushed it off. Perhaps the borrowed grace inside of him was messing with his “mojo” as Dean would call it.  


It had also been a week since Claire had officially gone off on her own. If need be, she could pray to him for help and he would try his best to do what he could. The guilt he felt for what had happened to her already in her life could only be made better if he knew she was safe. 

Sam and Cas were reading in the library, trying to find more about Cain, his mark or even something about the Knights of Hell. Really, anything that could give them some kind of clue in saving Dean, who had already retired to his room for the night. 

Cas stopped reading and sat up straight. Sam noticed and put his book down.

“Everything all right Cas?” Sam asked. 

“What?” Cas answered, distracted. “Yes, it just… It’s nothing.”

“Does this have something to do with the prayers you keep hearing?” Sam wondered, worry etched in his face. 

“Yes. No. I’m not sure. This isn’t exactly a prayer,” Cas replied. 

He looked towards the door of the library. It wasn’t a prayer but it was close to one. If he were being honest with himself, he would almost describe it as a longing which was how he found Claire. She had wanted to tell him something and probably wanted to be found, to see a familiar face. Claire had wished for Castiel and it worked as well as a prayer. This bunker was in practically in the middle of nowhere and only two people knew his name for this feeling to register to him. Claire couldn’t be anywhere nearby since she didn’t know the location of the bunker. 

If Sam was here in the library and didn’t need Cas then there was only one other person in the bunker with them. 

“I’m going to go check on Dean,” Cas said, getting up. Sam shrugged and kept reading. 

Cas walked down to hall to Dean’s room and knocked on the door. 

“Yeah?” came the gruff answer.

“Dean, it’s me.”

“Come on in, Cas,” Dean called. 

Cas opened the door and walked in. Dean was in sweatpants and an old t-shirt. He was on top of the covers and sat up more to lean back against the headboard.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” Cas asked.

“Nah, I can’t really sleep. What’s up, you and Sam find anything?” 

Cas noticed Dean touch the Mark with his opposite hand before realizing he had done it. His hand dropped just as quickly but Cas could tell how much he wanted it gone. 

“No, I’m sorry. Nothing yet but we will,” Cas said. There was an awkward pause and Dean furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 

“Not that I don’t mind the company but…”

“Oh. Right. Why I’m here,” Cas responded. He suddenly felt out of place standing in Dean’s room with what he was about to say. “Well, remember how I told you and Sam that I’ve heard what feels like echoes of prayers in the bunker?”

“Yeah, I remember. Did it happen again?” Dean asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Yes. That’s why I came down here. It was similar to a prayer but not so much with words as with feelings,” Cas tried to explain.

“Okay?”

“I felt that so I came. Did you need something or want to tell me something maybe?”

“You sure it wasn’t Sam?” Dean deflected.

“He was sitting across the table from me,” Cas said gently. Dean looked down at his arms.

“I don’t know, man. Angel prayers aren’t really my area of expertise. I’m just going to try to get some shut eye so we can look for how to get rid of this damn Mark tomorrow.”

Cas took that as a polite but definite dismissal. He nodded and left Dean’s room, shutting the door behind him. 

In his own room, Cas sat on his bed like he saw Dean sitting. He took this time to think. 

What was Dean thinking that Cas had been able to register on it? It had to have been about him or he wouldn’t have felt it. A prayer he could handle and understand but this was different. It felt like…

It felt like when he returned from Purgatory. Despite Sam and Dean being hidden from angels by the marks Cas himself had put on their ribs, Castiel had found them. He had felt a connection, a longing, and was able to act on it to find the brothers. 

Cas became more confused. Why would Dean be missing Cas or longing for him like when Cas was missing and presumably still in Purgatory? Cas was down the hall from him. Dean wasn’t telling Cas something but he would wait to ask. Dean needed his sleep. 

 

Castiel woke up to something falling in the kitchen. It was still a new experience, falling asleep and waking up, and he didn’t do it often. The situation with his borrowed grace might be getting worse if he was falling asleep but the Mark was the bigger concern. Getting rid of that Mark took precedence over Cas’s problems. 

Being a celestial being, he could easily hear Sam and Dean’s conversation down the hall in the kitchen. 

“He said it was more with feelings than with words,” Dean said. He was talking about their conversation the night before. He shouldn’t listen but maybe it would help him understand what was going on. 

“What does that mean?” Sam asked. 

“I don’t know!” Dean exclaimed defensively. 

“Well, were you thinking about him? That would explain…”

“Eat your breakfast,” Dean demanded. 

“What? I’m just trying to help!” Sam tried.

“Stop trying, okay?” 

The conversation grew quieter and switched topics. Cas felt bad for intruding but now he knew he hadn’t been clear with Dean the night before and that they should talk. 

 

Cas was in the library again with Sam while Dean was making burgers in the kitchen. He got a similar feeling from the night before. Without a word to Sam, he got up to go talk to Dean before he changed his mind. 

“Hello, Dean,” Cas greeted. Thankfully, he didn’t startle Dean who was standing over the stove grilling the burgers. 

“Hey, Cas. Burgers should be done soon.”

“Can we talk?” Cas asked. He wasn’t sure what Dean’s answer would be. He could be closed off and defensive most of the time. 

“Sure. What about?” 

“I heard you and Sam talking this morning.”

“Why didn’t you just come join us?” Dean asked but he didn’t seem annoyed. 

“I don’t know. But I wanted to tell you why I came to your room yesterday. And to the kitchen right now,” Cas said, getting to the truth. 

“Okay. Spill.”

“The feelings I’m picking up on. It’s not just any feeling, Dean, it’s a longing. It’s the same feeling that helped me find you when I got out of Purgatory.”

“A longing, huh?” Dean said, turning back around to flip the burgers. 

“Yes. When I came out of Purgatory, I guess it was because you missed your friend and ally. But I don’t get why the feeling is the same now. I’m down the hall from you almost all of the time.”

“Yeah, that’s the problem,” Dean said quietly, so quietly Cas almost didn’t hear him. 

“What do you mean?” Cas wanted to know. 

“It’s nothing, man. Want to tell Sam it’s time to eat?” Dean said, piling the burgers onto a plate. 

“Dean, I don’t…”

“Cas, let’s just eat, okay?” 

Cas went and got Sam and the three of them sat down to dinner. Sam could feel the tension between Cas and Dean and kept shifting his gaze between them. The two of them didn’t move their eyes from their plates. 

Sam grew tired of carrying the conversation with one word answers as responses. 

“Okay, I’m going to go…anywhere else. You two deal with your crap, got it?” Sam instructed before leaving the kitchen. 

“He always was an observant pain in the ass,” Dean joked, not looking at Cas.

“Dean, just talk to me. How is it worse that I’m down the hall?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Dean said, standing up. 

“It does matter,” Cas said, also standing up, “I want to understand.”

Dean didn’t answer. He faced the sink and put his hands on it, bracing himself as he stood. Cas took a couple steps closer. It was a clear defensive position, Dean facing from him, but Cas didn’t know why.

“Dean, I’m clearly missing something. I’m picking up on what you’re feeling but I don’t understand it or why it’s bothering you.”

Dean remained quiet. Cas grabbed his shoulder and turned him to face him.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Cas demanded to know. 

“I can’t, Cas, I just can’t,” Dean said, only catching Cas’s eyes once as he spoke. 

“Can’t what?”

“I can’t have you living down the hallway. You’re so close all the time and I can’t… This Mark turned me into a monster and you know it, you’ve seen it. But you’re still here, trying to fix it, to fix me and I can’t. You’re too good for me,” Dean said softly, tears starting to form in his eyes. 

“Dean,” Cas said, barely over a whisper, “I am not ‘too good for you.’ You are the best man I have ever known. Everything you do is for those you love.”

It started to make sense to Castiel. The longing wasn’t because Dean missed him. It seemed as if it was because he never wanted to be without him again and Cas felt the same way. Their friendship was one of the best things about coming to Earth but this was different. Cas didn’t know how long Dean had felt this way exactly but Cas returned the feelings.

“Cas, what you’ve been getting from me, the longing, it’s because I want you. I want you to stay with me and Sammy in this bunker. I want you so damn bad it hurts but I can’t have you.”

“Who says you can’t have me?” Cas asked gently, placing a hand on the same shoulder he scarred pulling this wonderful man out of hell. 

“I don’t deserve you, Cas,” Dean shrugged. Cas kept his hand there.

“You have stood by me through all of my stupid decisions. Becoming God, releasing the Leviathan, trusting Metatron… One little Mark isn’t going to keep me away.”

Cas reached his other hand up to brush the single tear that had fallen from Dean’s eye with his thumb.

Dean could understand what Cas was saying. They both had made some stupid choices but had stood by each other through it all. Sure, he knew he loved Cas but now it was clear that Cas loved him back, wholeheartedly. 

Dean leaned in to press their lips together. Cas moved his hand on Dean’s cheek back to Dean’s hair as he kissed back. Dean put a hand on Cas’s shoulder and one on his hip to pull him closer and to kiss him more deeply. 

When they broke apart, Dean smiled. Cas did, too. Dean leaned his forehead against Cas’s to stay close as he spoke. 

“How about you spend the night in my room so my longing doesn’t keep you up all night?”

“I’d like that.”


End file.
